The Ninjabot


Posted on December 16, 2014 at 1:26 pm by Chris Teregis


The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies is the shortest installment in the trilogy. It’s also the most action packed, and probably the most expensive. The movie doesn’t feel like a complete film, so much as it feels like the greatest cinematic finale ever made. Beautifully choreographed fight sequences, indistinguishable-from-reality CGI, and some truly superb acting clash together to bring an epic and complete conclusion to the Lord of the Rings. Heed my advice here: Take a moment to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself prior to watching it.

The Good

First of all, the movie is paced much faster than the previous installments in the series. From opening scene to credits, the film feels about as fast paced as the last hour of Return of the King.

SmaugDestroyingLakeTownThe movie looks incredible. The sprawling battles are highlighted by some incredible direction and camerawork. Peter Jackson has done such an incredible job with these movies, and if every director paid as much attention to detail as this guy, we nerds would have very little to complain about. The acting is superb with stand-out performances from Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage (who arguably looks more attractive as a Dwarf), and Lee Pace (Who, along with the character of Ronin in Guardians of the Galaxy, is getting really good at playing buttholes.) This is normally the spot where I would mention Ian McKellan’s triumph as Gandalf the Grey, but the guy might actually be becoming Gandalf, and I don’t feel like this was much of a stretch for him.

SMAUG. Smaug isn’t in the film long enough. In fact, someone needs to go and make seven Smaug prequels to this movie. Smaug is awesome, smaug wraps up-very quickly, but what little there is of him is terrifying and intense. The story…good-ish for what little left there is to tell. The bulk of the film is really just one gigantic, amazing fight sequence. Have a good time, and get ready to hear the sound of sword hitting steel A LOT. Seriously, the film might as well be called The Hobbit: KLANG.

The Bad


The Wishful Thinking

There really isn’t much.  I mean, the only thing I will say is that some of the fight scenes are long, and not in a “Oh my god, this is incredible” way.  More of a “Why are we slowly zooming on this orc’s eyeball for sixty seconds” way.  That’s it…that’s my nitpick on what, otherwise, was a fantastic film.  TH:BOTFM (Is that what we’re calling it?) brings the thirteen year cinematic journey into Tolkien’s masterpiece, to a stunning and beautiful conclusion. Bravo Peter Jackson.

the-hobbit-the-battle-of-the-five-armies-poster1-404x600Final Score

Grade: A

Pros: The Smaug/Lake Town sequence is amazing. After that, the whole movie is a war…so the pacing is 4x the speed of the other two films. Couple that with breathtaking visuals, solid performances by the ensemble, and masterful storytelling and you have a film that serves as a worthy climax to an epic string of films. PLUS: Billy Connoly in anything is a huge added bonus.

Cons: Legolas. Unneccessary closeups. It ends.

Chris Teregis is a comedian and video game enthusiast from Los Angeles, CA. You can follow his brain drizzlings on Twitter: @christeregis

    • Snackbar

      We might have seen different movies. 🙂

      Peter Jackson pulled the ultimate long con. Got us to watch 3 terrible films over the span of 2 years.

      • Snackbar’s Mom

        I did not think it was that bad. I give it a B. Mom.

    • Chuong Nguyen

      Peter Jackson is better at taking peoples hard earned money than the Catholic church.

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