The Ninjabot

The 11 Remaining Horror Films Hitting Theaters in 2013

Posted on July 8, 2013 at 10:30 am by Nathan Tolle

The bad news is that so far, 2013 has been one of the most lackluster years ever for the horror genre, but the good news is that we still have six more months to turn things around, and with a slew of new films soon hitting theaters, surely at least one of them has what it takes to make the horror community giddy. Going in chronological order, here are the remaining 2013 horror films with a theatrical release planned.

V/H/S 2

Release Date: July 12, 2013

vhs 2While the original film had an interesting concept that showed serious potential, I only found one of the five segments to be anything special. Saving the best for last, “10/31/98” was an exhilarating ride that had us tagging along with a group of teenagers exploring a home haunt on Halloween night and discovering that there is much more going on besides fog machines, plastic ghouls, and cardboard props. The rest of the film really dragged on in my opinion, bogged down by obnoxious characters and camerawork so dizzying that it reminded me how sick I was of the found footage subgenre. However, after viewing the surprisingly intense and interesting trailer for the sequel, I am fully on board and hope that this will be the greatest horror anthology since Trick ‘R Treat. We certainly deserve it for having to suffer through films like Chillerama in recent years.

The Conjuring

Release Date: July 19, 2013

the conjuringConsidering how this is a haunted house film directed by James Wan and starring Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Lili Taylor, and Ron Livingston, my expectations are pretty damn high for this one. I think this will be a superbly written and perfectly-acted movie that will assault our senses, frazzle our nerves, and make us physically exhausted by the time the ending credits roll (which in a perfect world would be accompanied by Megadeth’s “The Conjuring”). But as I mentioned in a previous post, I’m a tad uneasy about just how similar it looks to Insidious, especially since in a couple months, Insidious: Chapter 2 comes out, with the same director and the same star as The Conjuring!

Grabbers

Release Date: July 19, 2013

grabbersI’ve been anticipating the release of this movie longest since it’s been available in Europe for almost a year now. Blending horror with comedy and Lovecraftian tentacled monsters with alcoholic Irishmen, how can Grabbers be anything less than a wicked good time at the movies? Here’s the synopsis:

Directed by Jon Wright, GRABBERS tells the story of Ciarán O’Shea, a charming but heavy-drinking local Garda who is tasked with greeting Lisa Nolan, a straight-laced young officer who has just arrived to a small fishing village off the West coast of Ireland. Not that there’s much for them to do, aside from dealing with the occasional drunk, and that’s usually O’Shea himself. But strange doings are afoot: the crew of a fishing boat disappears, whales start appearing dead on the shore, a local lobsterman catches a strange tentacled creature in his trap. Soon it becomes clear to Garda O’Shea and Nolan that there’s something big out there, and that it’s hungry. It’s time to rally the villagers, arm the troops…and head to the pub!

Frankenstein’s Army

Release Date: July 26, 2013

frankenstein's armyWith a release date supposedly a few weeks away, it boggles my mind how this film has received such little attention that a measly 7 threads exists on its IMDb message-board. Since it’s a film from the Netherlands, most likely it will get shelved immediately so a vastly inferior American remake will seem like an original idea to many people. After watching the nasty, brutal red-band trailer, this seems like just the kind of movie that would have hardcore horror fans salivating: mutant freaks, Nazi experiments, eviscerations, mutilations, torture laboratories, gothic churches, a new twist on Dr. Frankenstein, dead soldiers stitched together and re-animated, and a tagline that reads “War is hell, this place is worse.”

You’re Next

Release Date: August 23, 2013

you're nextJudging by the trailer, this just seems like The Strangers with many more innocent victims to terrorize. I’m not feeling excited for yet another home invasion shocker, but I’ll be rooting for this movie because it has AJ Bowen in it, an actor who impressed the hell out of me with his multidimensional performance in the 2007 masterpiece The Signal, and who has turned in many good performances since. Just watch The Signal and you’ll agree with me that this guy deserves so much more than small roles in movies like Hatchet 2! He probably deserves much more than You’re Next as well.

Hell Baby

Release Date: September 6, 2013

hell babyMy all-time favorite sketch comedy show is The State, which aired on MTV in the mid 90’s and finally came out on DVD a couple years ago. Members of this comedy troupe went on to create Reno 911, Stella, Wet Hot American Summer, The Ten, several films starring Paul Rudd, etc. Directed by Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant, and with Michael Ian Black in the cast, this will be the first time my beloved State members have veered into horror territory (even though it’s clearly more comedy than horror) so my hopes are dangerously high. Hell Baby is about a couple who moves into a haunted house in New Orleans and enlist the services of the Vatican to protect them from their devil spawn. The uneven trailer gave me plenty to feel nervous about, but if nothing else, it will at least be much funnier than other recent horror spoofs.

Insidious: Chapter 2

Release Date: September 13, 2013

insidious chapter 2Out of all the horror movies coming out in the next six months, the one that interests me the most is the follow-up to Insidious, one of the greatest horror films of the past decade and certainly the scariest since Neil Marshall’s The Descent. I didn’t feel that a sequel was required (since the original ended so perfectly), but I trust James Wan, Leigh Whannell, and the returning cast members to deliver one more classy haunted house freakfest for old school horror fans to enjoy this Friday the 13th.

Paranormal Activity 5

Release Date: September 25, 2013

paranormal activity 5Urge to kill…rising! Rising! This time around, we’re watching a bunch of dumb kids try to catch activities that are paranormal on their lame-ass video cassette cameras. Not sure how this will be any different from the other four iterations, but here we go again. The realization that this will probably earn enough millions at the box office from idiotic, far-too-easily-impressed audiences to warrant a Part 6 in 2014 is somehow even more depressing than another Carrie remake. Speaking of which…

Carrie

Release Date: October 18, 2013

carrie 2013I couldn’t possibly have less desire to see this movie, yet another pointless remake of a horror classic that allowed no room for improvement. It will be 90 minutes of watching a teenaged girl getting ridiculed, humiliated, and assaulted, and as viewers who already know everything that will happen, we’ll feel just as victimized and alienated as Carrie White. Julianne Moore and Chloe Grace Moretz will surely give powerful performances, and Kimberly Peirce has proven with Boys Don’t Cry that she’s up to the task, but they aren’t going to top Sissy Spacek, Piper Laurie, or Brian De Palma. It’s hard to imagine how to justify a remake of Carrie, and the trailer did nothing to pacify my cynicism that this will be any more appreciated than The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999) or the 2002 made-for-TV remake.

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane

Release Date: October 11, 2013

all the boys love mandy lanePerhaps the only film to receive a worse treatment from its studio(s) than Michael Dougherty’s Halloween favorite Trick ‘R Treat is All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, a slasher film that was supposed to come out all the way back in 2006. Enthusiastic festival screenings gave this film serious momentum until a disastrous test screening threatened to derail it to direct-to-video status. The Weinstein Company ended up selling the film to a company that went bankrupt shortly before the release date, causing the film to languish on the shelves for many years. The horror community had all but given up on Mandy Lane so it will be interesting to see what happens now that it’s finally receiving a theatrical run, something that Trick ‘R Treat tragically never received.

We Are What We Are

Release Date: TBA, 2013

we are what we areFilm critic David Hayles said that We Are What We Are does for cannibals what Let the Right One In did for vampires, but he was referring to the original Mexican cult film from 2010. And just like Let the Right One In, Hollywood wasted no time in producing an American remake, due out later this year. It’s about a family of cannibals whose patriarch passes away and now it’s up to somebody else in the family to step up and provide the cuisine. I haven’t seen the original, but the reviews were pretty solid, praising everything from the stomach-churning violence to the social commentary, so hopefully this remake will be as stylish and chilling as Let Me In.

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