The Ninjabot

Has the Plot of STAR WARS: EPISODE VII Been Leaked? I Hope Not!

Posted on July 21, 2014 at 8:38 am by David "Snackbar" Edmundson

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J.J. Abrams isn’t going to like this, as it appears that his anti-spoiler shield might have sprung a leak. If you want to stay spoiler free you should probably stop reading here.

According to Devin Faraci at Badass Digest, the story is very much in the vein of A New Hope and starts off with a tip of the hat to the end of The Empire Strikes Back.  Right now we’ll put this in the rumor column, but BAD is a trustworthy site.  His description is also considerately worded to avoid outright enjoyment killing spoilers (if such things even exist).  I think a lot of people will be excited for these spoilers, but I will let you know that I d not like them at all.

Per Faraci:

star-wars-episode-7-set-photo-abrams-kennedy-r2d2-455x600Imagine the standard Star Wars crawl, and when it ends the camera pans up to the stars. But instead of a spaceship zooming into frame we see… a hand! A severed hand, tumbling through space. A severed hand gripping a light saber.

That hand falls onto a desert planet, where it is discovered by characters who will be our heroes. One is Daisy Ridley. The other is John Boyega, who is playing someone trying to change his path in life (again, I’m keeping it vague here). They recognize the light saber as a Jedi relic and decide to return it to the proper people.

Their quest takes them off world, and they meet up with Han Solo and Chewbacca, who aren’t flying around in the Millenium Falcon anymore but are piloting… well, that could be a spoiler. I’ll leave it. Anyway, Han and Chewie recognize the light saber as Luke’s, and they say they haven’t seen their friend in thirty years, since the events of Return of the Jedi.

So begins a quest to find the missing Jedi Master. Meanwhile, on an ice planet, nefarious forces are building a super weapon, one capable of destroying not planets but entire solar systems…

In many ways this plot of Episode VII is an echo of A New Hope. Instead of R2 coming to Tatooine it’s a hand falling from the sky, but the basic sweep of the story is similar, and intentionally so. But things that seem familiar may not be as familiar as you think – don’t assume that every ice or desert planet in the galaxy has already been visited, if you know what I’m saying.

I think I have two primary gripes about this report. First, I find the idea that Luke’s hand escaped Bespin’s orbit, floated through space, and survived re-entry into the atmosphere very dumb. I would have had less of a problem if the characters stumbled across it while on a salvage mission to a decrepit Cloud City.  My larger problem with the story is that the core 3 from the original films would have drifted apart. I understand that the Expanded Universe is not a thing (which breaks my heart), but the idea that the heroes of the rebellion would have lost track of each other, and not remained an integral part of the world is ridiculous to me. Luke is the “last” remaining Jedi and he would be needed for a lot of things, and as much as he might have wanted to fade into obscurity, it just wouldn’t have been able to happen.

I know I am getting ahead of myself and Abrams is notorious for putting out fake spoilers just to mess with us, but this just seems dirty.

Follow Snackbar on Twitter @snackie_cakes for all your Geek News

    • Jennifer

      That’s just absurd. He seems like the kind of director who would, at the very least, Google whether or not a hand could survive that sort of thing. Obviously it could not, so I’m inclined to believe this is just to f@(% with us.

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