The Ninjabot


Posted on March 28, 2013 at 7:36 am by Chris Teregis


G.I. Joe: Retaliation is a direct sequel to 2009’s Blockbuster, G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. That film featured an unknown-at-the-time Channing Tatum and had enough action in it to make any 26 year old man-child squeal. I thought the first film was fun enough, so I was totally into the idea of the sequel. Channing Tatum was reprising his role as Duke, The Rock was set to play Roadblock, Ray Park was going to put back on a black suit and swing swords around…this was lining up to be an action packed, Summer blockbuster, that I was sure to have fun watching. After leaving the theater, I’m left with mixed feelings.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation is awesome when it is behaving like you would expect a film like G.I. Joe: Retaliation to behave. Which unfortunately is only for about a third of the film. The action sequences are over the top and fun to watch. The Rock is perfect in the role of Roadblock, and The Cobra Commander, Storm Shadow, Firefly (played by Ray Stevenson, who is a badass.), and Zartan (played by the dude who was The Mummy in The Mummy.) round out the main villains. The 3D is fantastic and had me ducking bullets in my seat. But for every single success the film had, there were multiple failures.


G.I. Joe: Retaliation is a film that suffers from “trying too hard.” There isn’t a single moment in the film that doesn’t feel like it’s being forced in there. The jokes “try too hard” to be funny, so they aren’t. Aside from ONE thing The Rock says, the only other things that I laughed at were the over the top action and a ridiculous cameo by The RZA as Blind Master.

The drama “tries too hard” to be compelling, so it isn’t, and the characters “try too hard” to be interesting, so they aren’t.  They introduce characters with outrageously ham-fisted dialogue. They even go so far as to justify a main villain’s entire back-story as a lie, in effort to make him more likeable with ten minutes left to go in the movie. Everything you knew about the character’s entire backstory changes and their justification for it is, “No, it was really this backstory all along.”

Not even Bruce Willis, in his phoned in, paycheck inspiring performance that only Nicolas Cage would be proud of, could save this film.


If I had a 12-13 year old son, and I wanted to take him to a fun action film that he might enjoy, I would take him to go see G.I. Joe: Retaliation. Other than that, I thought this was a mediocre film with a predictable plot, that fails to please either the audience or fans of the franchise. Please try again Hasbro, I know you have it in you…and knowing is half the battle.

You can follow Chris on Twitter @ChrisTeregis

    • Arnold

      Been Lukewarm on this from the start. Probably check it out during a matinee. Bruce Willis is a shell of the man he was. Great review.

    • Bubba

      Just got back from seeing it. I agree with the review. It had moments of pure fun, but other parts seemed rushed or an after thought.

    • Manny

      Took my 11 year old to see it this morning. He loved every second of it. I liked The Rock and the ninjas.

    • randommonkey78

      I fucking hate The Rock

      • Snackbar

        Don't be jelly.

      • Tom

        How can you hate The Rock? He's pure fun. That's like saying you hate puppies, or donuts, or Homer Simpson. You don't hate Homer Simpson do you?

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